Unspoken
by farfetched4
Summary: Green and Red have many unsaid words between them. Originalshipping, Red/Green.


(A slight AU where I imagine things to happen slightly differently for Green after Red wins the championship.

The italics is supposed to be things that they never said to each other/never intended to say at the time/thought. Starting with Red, it alternates between the two of them, but you can ignore them. Line breaks are there for ease of changing scene.)

* * *

><p><em>I hate you. I wish you'd stop challenging me. I'll only win, like always. You're not good enough to beat me, why do you continue to try?<em>

Green smirks as he sees Red approach, notices the frown, and points at Red affrontingly.  
>"I challenge you to a battle!"<br>Scarlet eyes sigh, reaching for a pokémon in a tired manner. Green just doesn't surprise him anymore, always placing himself in the position where he thinks Red will be at his weakest.

It's a shame, then, that Green can never beat him.

* * *

><p><em>I hate you. I wish I could beat you. I'll keep challenging you until I do. Do you think you're so good you don't have to say anything?<em>

They stare each other down at opposite ends of the field, air practically melting in the ferocity of their gazes. It's silent, the audience shuffling in both anticipation and discomfort at the obvious animosity between the challenger and the champion. Most can't believe their luck, watching not only one battle for the title, but two.

"Final battle, I guess, huh Red? Let's see who is better!" Green doesn't shift his eyes from his rival, taking his newly healed pokémon from the Pokémon Centre tray without a glance.

The field is still damaged from the previous battle, and the crowd begin to cheer as they reach for their first pokémon.

* * *

><p><em>I've always wanted this. You're not taking it from me. You've gotten stronger, but so have I. I will win.<em>

Red finally wonders _Green's_ reasons for challenging the league afterwards, not missing the flash of agony, disappointment, betrayal and loss in his rival's eyes that everyone else does not see as they shake hands. But he's much too caught up in the arrival of his dreams to ever consider that he just broke every one of Green's.

He doesn't think that the final glimpse of auburn hair sweeping past Professor Oak will be the last time he sees Green in four years.

He's too entrenched in the applause.

* * *

><p><em>I've failed. I hate you, for taking everything I never had. I don't want to see you again.<em>

Green himself spends half a year hiding under the guise of still travelling. He does learn to bond more closely with his pokémon and they appreciate it more than he does. He just feels numb and empty about most of it: how Red smashed him up with relative ease, how his grandfather was not there to ever see his grandson win the championship, only learning later who Red's opponent was.

Green vividly remembers putting the phone down on that voice he'd so wanted to praise him ever since it started to spout about Red Red Red, ever since he'd begun to feel neglected and ignored, ever since he carbon copied Red's dream in that desperate grab for attention.

All he ever got was a disappointed sigh, a 'don't treat Red harshly' and never saying his name as if in disgust.

He gives up.  
>Until Leaf, one of Red's friends (all his own friends were never true, except-) finds him in the Sevii Islands, places a hand on his shoulder and idly mentions the open post for Viridian Gym Leader.<p>

He refuses, inferiority pulling at him, but Leaf tells him that she'd already given in the form, and it wasn't an open post anymore, it was an _offer_.

He takes it with a certain amount of reluctance.

* * *

><p><em>You never congratulated me. You never visit. It wasn't like that was the first time I beat you. Where are you?<em>

Red decides he prefers training to idly waiting, and sets up camp on the peak of Mt Silver, only trekking down to the pokémon centre occasionally.

He dreams in green, grass and poison and new beginnings and freshness.

* * *

><p><em>I don't know what to think of you. I know you're up there, but why would you want to see me? I only annoyed you. I'll stay here; let you live your own life for once.<em>

The position gives Green a new lease of life. His eyes begin to shine as he helps train the newly employed of the gym, after refurbishing it and making it his own.

He's never felt so at home, watching over the regular battles with trainers, and taking up the challengers who manage to get through. He doesn't beat all of them, just most of them, and consoles the ones who lose, requesting that they try again after some more training.

He knows what losing can do, and does what he wished someone had done for him. His job, after all, isn't to keep people from the badge but to test their skills, and he can't have the Elite Four getting too bored, can he?

But even with all that, there's still something missing, and he's reminded each night as he sleeps.

He dreams in red, blood and love and danger and passion.

* * *

><p><em>Where are you? I miss you. You're the only one who actually gave me a difficult battle. I just didn't realise it before.<em>

Time runs differently up there, particularly once his watch freezes up and he throws it in the snow. He thinks it's been two months, but an exhausted Leaf informs him that it's been a year since he won, and six months since he first ascended the mountain, and what would he do without her?

She becomes his news bulletin, climbing up once a fortnight, stealing some of his supplies as she tells him snippets from below the clouds. It's only on her sixth visit that she mentions Green, telling Red that he's become the Viridian Gym Leader. But she passes on quickly, (Red's unsure as to whether she thinks the acidic rivalry still lingers, then realises he doesn't know himself.) and Red can't think of any way to passively bring it up again, so lets her chatter on about the newest Elite Four member.

Her statement is hiding so much, he can tell.

* * *

><p><em>I miss you. I hate it. We should never have met... Maybe all this would be different if we hadn't.<em>

Leaf mentions that she told Red about his new job, and Green wonders if he asked. But then Leaf tells him that Red didn't, and she only told him that, she tells Green a whole lot more about Red than vice versa because Green actually converses with her, albeit occasionally begrudgingly.  
>Leaf is actually mildly confused as to why Green treats her so differently from how he treated Red, but she doesn't ask, and Green doesn't say.<p>

If he was asked though, he thinks he'd tell her that she wasn't the one who stole anything, and it wasn't her fault what Red did.

Or it might be that he's just glad to share _something_ with Red, however tenuous, proving to himself that Red isn't above him in everything.

* * *

><p><em>... I'm bored. Make my life interesting again.<em>

Red visits his mother, Professor Oak and Leaf in Pallet Town before he goes to Viridian. They're all happy to see him, huddling around in the living room of the lab, drinking tea and they speak more than he does. Catching up with all the mundane news that Leaf had forgotten, unimportant stuff, allows him to note the extra lines on the elder two's faces, while the smile on Leaf's face is slightly forced, still surprised to see him in full colour, not marred by a snow storm or gloomy caves.

On his way out, the professor pulls him aside and asks him to tell Green that he's sorry.  
>Red wonders what that's about, but sets off for Viridian with one destination in mind.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Can't you prepare me next time?<em>

He seriously considers shutting the door on carmine eyes, that look at him almost as if Green's obliged to let him in.

"Why are you here?" He thinks of a nice room in the Indigo Plateau, with Red's name on the door and wants to send him there. Anywhere but this space.

"I lost." Green wonders if Red finally understands how he felt back then, but dismisses it. If he knew, he'd show up slightly more apologetic, although per say he has nothing to apologise for.

Red, in all his tact, pushes past Green, dumping his stuff and disappearing into the living room as if he owns the place.

Green sets off for the gym, only the floor below, without a word. He doesn't think Red even notices.

* * *

><p><em>Why does it feel like you're avoiding me?<em>

Green wakes up on his desk, and when he looks up, Red is there, all piercing gazes and sharp angles, arms crossed in a rare change from his nonplussed look. Even Pikachu is missing from its usual spot on his shoulder, if nothing has changed since back then.

"You slept here." Red watches as Green stretches languidly, careful not to disturb Umbreon, sleeping on his lap even though she's a little big now, not an Eevee anymore.

"So I did." Green turns his attention to some sheets, but as he reaches for them, Red firmly places a hand over the top of them, enough so he'd rip them if he tried to wrench them from Red's grasp.

"Yes?" He questions his rival saccharinely, all false sweetness and not a bubbling cavern of emotions he hasn't dealt with.

"Move on." He stares at Red for a long moment, ascertaining that he is indeed completely serious with that 'advice'.  
>Green would have stood up to look imposing, if Umbreon were not sleeping and he is marginally more fearful of hurting her than looking strong to Red.<br>He's already coped with looking weak to Red, so one more time doesn't really faze him as much as it would have.

"'_Move on_'? What are you, sage of advice? What would you know about anything, stuck up there in your winterland for years? Don't you know what you took-" He stops himself, breathing in deeply and breaking the staring contest Red has going on with him, shock evident in those normally emotionless depths. Green forces Red to relinquish his hold on the papers, and starts filling them out.

Red tries to think of something to break through this sudden apathy of Green's, coming to a small revelation that people don't really like being ignored. He doesn't anyway, especially by Green, and Red ponders why that matters at all.

"Professor Oak says he's sorry."  
>Green pauses in his writing for all of a second, before continuing.<p>

"That's nice."  
>The tone, Red feels, is colder than the mountain's peak.<p>

* * *

><p><em>You confuse me, Red. You don't even know, do you?<em>

Red returns from his wanderings around Viridian to find Green practically snarling into a phone receiver, eyes flashing in pure fury.

"Well I don't want to come. I don't care. I'll visit you, but not _him_." His voice drips with poison, and Red flinches, even though he's not aware of the conversation being about him. Whoever his rival is talking to must have plenty of tenacity or coped with this before, as a feminine voice cries out, audible across the room.

"_Green, please! You're hurting both of you! You're hurting me! He said he's sorry, can't you at least try?_" A very vague bell rings in Red's head as to who owns that voice.

"No! He should have thought about that _years_ ago, before he decided I wasn't _worth_ it and Red was-" Green swivels, spotting Red standing, mollified at the door. In all their years of insults and rivalry, he's never seen Green quite so enraged. The gym leader scowls at him and turns, reacting to the meek call of his name on the receiver.

"When he actually feels sorry, he can say it to my face."  
>"<em>But Green! You don't pick up his calls or end them as soon as you know it's him, and you won't answer the door...<em>"

"I know." It's only faintly noticeable, and Red isn't completely sure, but Green's anger seems replaced in that moment, his shoulders releasing from their tensed state as he smashes the end call button and drops the receiver back to its holder. "Does your lack of social skills stretch to eavesdropping too, then?" The insult almost hurts but as Green all but sprints to his gym room, Red finds that it was probably more that Green felt the need to defend himself.

* * *

><p><em>I want to help. Whatever I did, whatever you did - I wish you'd tell me.<em>

Red leaves it two hours before tapping on the door to Green's office, and isn't surprised when Umbreon somehow lets him in. Green, sitting at his desk writing as seems usual, scratches her around the ears, half-heartedly calling her a traitor. She smiles in a way only pokémon can, apparently not minding the name at all.

Not so sure of himself as before, Red sits across from the gym leader.  
>He listens to the sound of challengers and gym employees battling it out in the cavernous space, behind the wall of Green's office, and Red is thrown back to a time when he was doing this, fighting through scores of trainers to reach the people who could give him an eighth of his ticket to the league. He remembers the blood rush, the impatience at the puzzles built into the gyms, preventing him from battling all of them straight away, the delight of winning.<p>

"Did you enjoy it?" Green looks up, _finally_, at his voice, and raises an eyebrow.  
>"Enjoy what?"<br>"Battling." Red states solidly, and doesn't get the answer he expects. Green looks off to the side, out of the window as he speaks.

"Not really. Not then. I do now." It's Red's turn to be confused, peering at the gym leader while he returns to his work, not visibly upset from the phone call or his question, but Red can sense that somewhere, he's hurting, and Red doesn't know why at all.  
>But he doesn't understand why someone would go through all the bother of reaching for the champion spot if they didn't enjoy it. He's not seen Green battle other people, but when the two of them fought, it always seemed a more calculated affair for Green. Knowledge of each pokémon species as a whole rather than as individual beings, confused when one of Red's pokémon was faster than his, although the data said otherwise.<p>

Red knows that was why Green lost against him, because Red trained differently to most trainers, taking time and effort to improve each of his pokémon's weakness, so that although the level was lower, they in themselves were much stronger than any of their peers at the same level.

Still, he suspects Green might have learnt a bit more on that now.

Looking at Green, and taking his own hunger into account, he decides that the gym leader must be hungry by now, and stands, pulls Green out of his seat and through the gym to a restaurant he remembers seeing the other day.

The trainers not immersed in battle stare at them both in awe, and out the corner of his eye, he sees Green smile apologetically. He feels a tiny spark of anger at the fact that Green feels he has to be sorry. He tugs the gym leader a little harder towards the exit.

* * *

><p><em>Why do I let you push me around so easily?<em>

"What's wrong?" Grassy eyes flicker up to meet fiery ones, staring at him like always.  
>The restaurant was fairly quiet, despite being early afternoon, although the waiter had taken one look at Green and ushered them to a more secluded table, away from most of the potential noise. In a way though, Green might have preferred the clatter, because Red doesn't speak much - even if he has started most of their conversations over the past few days.<p>

"Nothing."  
>"Don't lie." Red knew he'd say something evasive, but this dance of theirs, of Green's is getting annoying.<p>

Green shows no surprise at that answer. He stabs a chip and chews it slowly, and replies once he's finished.  
>"Is it any of your business?"<br>Of course it isn't, but Red is making it his business now, whether Green likes it or not.  
>"Yes."<p>

That achieves a response.

* * *

><p><em>Look at me, Green. I want to be everything to you.<em>

Red makes his moves in completely unexpected and unplanned ways, even to himself.  
>He really hadn't planned on interrupting Green's meeting with his gym trainers, where he tells them various information about the gym.<p>

One minute, he's poking around the door, listening to Green's lulling voice, listing about challengers...  
>"... so out of 142 challengers this month, thirty managed to get to me, and three of those won an Earth badge. Two of those were revisits from trainers who'd tried before, one of them-"<p>

And the next, he's approaching Green, causing the gym leader to look up, sigh, then apologise to the gym trainers for Red's interruption, turning to him in a hushed voice.

"What do you want? Can't you see I'm holding a meeting here?"  
>He really doesn't know what possesses him. (although perhaps the same thing that makes him envious that Green spends more time with other people than <em>him<em>, this streak within him that wants Green to never look away.) Let it not be said that Red is shy, just socially inept and his action proves both of those comments.

Because instead of replying, he steps forward into Green's personal space, smirks at the gym leader's panic, places his hands firmly on Green's shoulders and kisses him.

It's only a second later when his rival pushes him away with vigour, face burning a vivid red (Red thinks it suits him, the contrast between those wide grassy eyes and his colour on Green's cheeks), and does, literally shout at him.

"W-w-w-what do you think you're doing?"  
>Red shrugs, smirk stubbornly remaining on his face as he does so, and strolls back into Green's apartment.<p>

Taking a moment to breathe, Green turns to many wide-eyed gym trainers, and puts on an extremely weak smile.

"I'm s-sorry about that. Shall we continue?"

To his credit, he does, although he strongly suspects that most of the trainers aren't listening, and frankly, neither is he that bothered anymore.

* * *

><p><em>Do you not understand what you do to me, or do you not care?<em>

Despite that fact that Green would really rather just forget the whole thing, his embarrassment loses to the desire to attempt to teach Red a lesson in social skills. In retrospect, he might have suspected he'd fail, but he could always try.

It leads him to pacing in front of a seated, highly amused Red.

"What on earth possessed you? You can't _do_ that, it just doesn't work! What will they all think of me? Did you think of that? I know you spent three and a half years on a mountain but surely you understand the meaning of tact?"

It doesn't really work when he loses track of what he's supposed to be saying.  
>Red doesn't help either, looking smug as anything; lounging on the sofa and listening to him talk himself into dead ends repeatedly, trying to avoid actually mentioning the heinous act in question.<p>

When Green finally decides to make eye contact, he suddenly realises it's not working and it's not _going_ to work, because - come on, it's Red. Him and sociability mix about as well as oil and water, and upon this revelation, Green sets off upstairs, still ranting under his breath.

Red, however, decides he sort-of likes the attention, even though it's not quite the attention he might have hoped for.

* * *

><p><em>Admit that you don't mind this, that I'm staying in your house, that I'm not on that mountain anymore, that I like you too.<em>

Green awakes, on the first use of his bed for several weeks, to scarlet eyes watching him. He initially thinks it's a dream, tempted to roll over and go back to sleep again, but then Umbreon's face appears in his view shortly followed by Pikachu's, and that has never happened in a dream of his.

The dark pokémon shuffles under his motionless arm, seeking a haven of warmth exuding from his body, and Pikachu curls up next to her, and Green is once again forced not to move.

"Are you kidding me?" Green whispers, sleep not completely gone from his mind. Nodding off and ignoring the whole situation is still a valid prospect. "First you show me up in front of my employees, then _this_? You have some nerve."

Red smiles.  
>"I know."<p>

There's something about waking up next to Red that both calms him and confuses him, but he's too tired to really feel the latter and it's almost like they both agreed on this (maybe they did).

"You're weird."  
>"I know."<br>"You're confusing." Red smirks at that one.  
>"I know."<p>

Green pretends it's only because of Umbreon and Pikachu that he doesn't shift when Red kisses him for the second time in two days.

* * *

><p><em>I'm not alright, but you don't have to know that.<em>

He does tend to forget about the street entrance to the flat, since it's usually more convenient for him to go through the gym, allowing him to check on progress or for damages to the equipment that requires fixing.

So when he enters the apartment and hears an elderly voice instead of the television or whatever game Red had decided to buy, he freezes, and wonders how on earth Professor Oak got in there.

"... You've grown up a lot, Red,"

That's all it takes for him to decide that he's not hungry all of a sudden, or tired, and he'd do well to be doing that paperwork he's put off until tomorrow.  
>Green suspects that he fails to close the door quietly.<p>

Umbreon probably gives him away most though, slipping through the door just before he can shut it, and it's only a certain amount of time before she leads them to wherever he chooses to hide, so he doesn't. He completely expects the clatter of steps leading up to the door, and the arrival of Red and Professor Oak.

They awkwardly seat themselves as he ignores them both, scratching out orders for badges and pay slips until Red apparently gets fed up and takes every sheet from him.

"Green," his grandfather ventures to start a conversation, but he's not in the mood more than ever, seething with _How could you Red?_

"Professor." He doesn't look at them, leaning his head on one hand, the other occupied with opening and closing the pen lid which Red neglected to take from him, the clicks echoing in a long moment of silence.

"Green, I'm... I'm so-"  
>"I don't want to hear it." He knows he's being childish and obstinate but he's (mostly) happy with where he is now.<p>

"Green!" The voice is sterner, reminiscent of long ago. The gym leader winces involuntarily. "I'm not getting any younger. I know what I've done was wrong, but I'm trying to make amends, while you're not-"

"Not forgiving you for neglecting me? Not forgiving you for wanting Red as your grandson rather than me?" Green makes a sweeping gesture at Red, who looks shocked, as if he didn't know. Professor Oak splutters.

"I never said that-"

"_I heard you_!" His shout echoes, on and on, around a spider web of lies and mistruths. "You said it to Daisy, probably to everyone in Pallet. 'I wish Red were my grandson'. Don't deny that you still want that, because you _do_." His tone, laced with poison and blood from old wounds, makes both Red and the professor flinch. Hands trembling, the desire to leave, get out, _run away_, starts to become overwhelming, before he truly embarrasses himself. "If you want him so much, take him." He stalks from the room, leaving the dust to settle and the cobwebs to fall, until he can cope with it again.

In Green's office, Professor Oak sighs and shakes his head. Standing, he takes the papers from Red and places them on the desk.  
>"I can't get through to him..." He laughs, humourless. "Sorry Red, for dragging you into this."<p>

"I'll work on him."  
>The professor looks at Red and smiles gratefully. Once he's let the professor out the front door of the gym, Red clicks his tongue in frustration.<p>

Just how is he supposed to attack this..?

* * *

><p><em>Let me help you - let me in to your world.<em>

He slams a fist against the wall on the landing, biting his lip in an attempt to not let the tears slip. He despises this, this weakness, this inability to move. He can't forgive, can't forget, can't ignore what his grandfather has done, _hasn't_ done, should have done. Any contact turns into him defending himself with sharp accusations; he can't just let it go, so it's easier if they never meet. He's sure it'll hurt his grandfather less to have lost him than to just be attacked every single time they're forced into the same space.

Green scuttles forwards a little more, flinging himself face-down on the bed and breathing deeply to try and control the hurt, the inferiority.

The worst thing was always secretly knowing that he could never reach Professor Oak's expectations, because he didn't have any. He could try and try for his whole life and never get anywhere, because his grandfather would never be proud, since he never expected a thing of Green. Straying onto Route 1 and fighting a pidgey could have been the pinnacle of that expectation, something for him to try for, instead of blindly shooting in the dark for attention he never received when he needed it. All the way along, it was always about Red, isn't Red doing well, don't hold _Red_ up, I'm sure Red will achieve his dream, and all the way along, Green always thought the same thing: _What about me? Don't I matter at all?_

Nothing changed, because Red was number one before Green even had a chance. Dumped in Pallet Town on a dark, rainy night once and never returning to wherever it was he'd started life, he's sure even then, Red was above Green: better behaved, had better grades in school, had a dream.

Green had had the same revelation in the Sevii Islands - _why do I keep trying?  
><em>And when he'd been able to come up with absolutely nothing, no goal to aim for, no net to fall into, he'd given up. He'd been so tempted to release the pokémon he'd worked alongside for so long, show himself just how powerless he was without them, how he had nothing to show them how well they'd done.

In that respect, he was extremely thankful to Leaf, inadvertently stopping him throwing several years of his life away and showing him a path through so he could make his own way, past the possible destruction.

After all, his pokémon were the only things he had at that point.

He feels the bed dip slightly with Red's arrival.  
>"Go away." It comes out all muffled, and Green isn't quite certain whether it's because he's upset or that he has his face smothered by the duvet. He waits for about a minute, but he knew Red wouldn't leave anyway. "You invited him." Red nods, unseen by Green.<p>

"What's wrong?"  
>Green simultaneously can't be bothered to lie nor explain.<br>"Everything."

"Why did you say that?"  
>"Say what?" Green narrows his eyes, because he said quite a few things Red might contest.<p>

"That he wanted me as a grandson?"

Green spares enough energy to shoot Red an incredulous look.

"You seriously didn't notice? At all?" He wonders if it wasn't as transparent to an outsider, but it should have been obvious to Red. "Apart from the fact he let you choose your pokémon first? How he was always praising you? He wouldn't have given me a pokémon if I hadn't pushed him for it. He only sent me on the journey at the same time so there'd be someone looking out for you. Not that you needed it. You look after yourself." He sighs, returning to pressing his face into the covers. Maybe he can just sleep, despite the fact he's still slightly hungry and it's kind of early. Red looks shocked from the revelation-that-isn't.

"He was always worried about your mum and you, always helping you out wherever he could. Daisy and I fended for ourselves." He trails off as he realises just how true that was: at age seven, his sister had been making almost all their meals since Professor Oak was too busy elsewhere, and when he turned seven three years later, he and Daisy alternated. He thinks back to the phone call Red eavesdropped on, recalls something his sister had said, and grimaces. '_You're hurting me!_'

He wonders if he should try harder for her.

Yawning, he ignores Red as he rolls off the bed to get ready to sleep.  
>Later, as the world is turning black and fading away from him, he thinks he hears Red murmur an apology. He snorts sleepily.<br>"What for?" Green asks, but doesn't receive an answer before he drops off.

It makes him feel slightly better though.

* * *

><p><em>If you left now, I think I'd be worse than before.<em>

Green seriously considers that maybe his common sense is being slowly drowned in those haunting(ly beautiful) crimson eyes. Whether the kisses Red adorns on him occasionally are actually turning him into a follower, unable to function without Red.

It's a stupid thought, but he can't help but think it sometimes. He supposes it's when he starts to not mind that Red sleeps in the same bed as him, when he starts to like seeing him so early in the morning, when the sun hasn't even properly risen yet and orange-pink rays dimly light the room and he thinks that Red has this breath-takingly peaceful look about him.

When, two weeks after his run-in with his grandfather (that he believes he hasn't forgiven Red for, but he has), he speaks one of their unspokens.

They're watching each other with half-lidded eyes, at a time too early to move, yet late enough to be functioning, and Green has gotten into a bit of a habit of thinking he's dreaming.

"_I love you_..." Red's eyes widen at his utterance, and once he actually realises what he just said, so do his. His face burns, and he looks away from his rival, which is hard considering how close they are.

"I mean, I- Well, ah-" Red smiles, catching him off-guard although Green's trying not to look at him.

"I love you too." It _can't_ be possible, Green thinks, despite how Red's eyes hold nothing but sincerity. Not after all those years of conflict between them, not after everything. In that particular moment of confusion, he forgets how it's been Red who has pressed kisses to his lips each morning, how Red has been trying to help him since he descended from Mt Silver.

"You should hate me though." Red smirks slightly, although it still looks like he's trying not to grin.  
>"So should you."<br>Green doesn't really get a chance to ruminate on that, but he feels like some of the trust destroyed by years fighting and apart builds itself up again, and he finally reciprocates Red's kiss.

Later, he ponders whether his employees at the gym notice the stupid smile he tries to keep off his face, lest they think something happened.

He does suppose he fails spectacularly.

* * *

><p><em>Having you is better than some title of superiority.<em>

For all that Red has returned to society, Green knows he still doesn't quite fit in with everyone, and he asks strange questions sometimes.

"Were you broken?" Red murmurs, carding thin fingers through auburn hair as Green lies across the sofa, legs thrown over the end of it on one side, with his head on Red's lap. Umbreon and Pikachu are fast asleep on Green's stomach.

"When?" The gym leader knows what's coming though; it could only be one instance.  
>"When you lost." <em>When I beat you the last time<em> hangs in the air around them.

He rolls his head to look out the window, where the streetlights begin to flicker on, casting their incandescent glow on those returning home.

"I considered a lot of things. Most of which I'd have regretted." Red makes a hum for him to elaborate, and a tinge of worry sets into scarlet eyes. "I thought about- releasing my pokémon, leaving Kanto, things like that." He can't quite bring himself to mention how alluringly beautiful the waters off the Sevii Pier had fleetingly looked that day.

"Don't." At the sense of urgency in Red's tone, Green peers at him, finds wide panicked eyes.

"Red, that was four years ago. I'm... I'm okay now." Guilt still flares up in Red's face, pulling at his features in a completely unnatural way.

"I should've..." Green raises an eyebrow. "Should've lost."  
>The gym leader shakes his head gently.<br>"No, you deserved the title." He reaches up to ruffle his rival's (although he supposes that isn't quite correct anymore) hair, and while it doesn't fully allay Red's fears, it does make him smile slightly. "You did well."

And Green knows that right now, that's the closest he'll get to congratulating Red.

* * *

><p><em>Never let me go.<em>

It takes a combined effort from Leaf, Red and Daisy to get him into Pallet Town. Which isn't quite true, he gets there under his own steam if aided by them beforehand, but his face runs pale as he spots the lab approaching over the rolling greenery of the area and he stops. For all that he reminds himself of his sister's hopeful look when he finally relented and said that he'd try, and Leaf's encouraging smile, he can't make himself move closer, memories of so many days spent alone, wanting attention but being unable to attain it, starting to cloud his vision.

It's probably just as well Red is there; else he'd have retraced his steps all the way back and made an empty promise to try again another day.

Green looks down at where Red's fingers are threaded through his, and takes a deep breath. Just to check, he peers at Red, who returns the gaze quizzically.

"We're not telling him about us, you know." His rival- no, partner, _lover_ even, nods, although there is a merest ghost of hurt in scarlet eyes. "A-another time." _Maybe_, he adds silently. He can't guarantee anything will go well today, and one thing at a time.

Green steps forward again, swallowing the despair that seems to soak into him whenever he thinks of going back. He tells himself that he's not going back, but going forward, and fully realises that Red's grip on his hand, his warmth on a suddenly cold autumn day is the only thing keeping him moving.

Deciding that watching the grass flatten under his shoes is mildly easier than watching the building get gradually closer, he does so, trusting that Red will guide him in the right direction. Eventually though, they reach the precipice of the lab and adjoining house, and Green is unable to avoid looking at it.

Seeing that worn door, so familiar and yet so alien, brings another wash of panic over him. It's so easy brushing Professor Oak off at the gym, over the phone, where memories hold little sway over him and he can shove everything away. But here, remnants of previous arguments linger, he wonders if the dent in the kitchen wall has been fixed or not, he can't understand why the hell Daisy could still live in this place, entrenched with hatred and loneliness and no respite, always under such scrutiny-

Green only realises that he's shaking when Red embraces him, holding him close and he hears Red's much slower heartbeat. Closing his eyes for a moment, he breathes deeply, attempting to settle all the negativity to the back of his mind. He's here to fix it, not make it worse, and if he lets the panic and anger win again, he'll throw the lot of them around another loop of this vicious cycle they've been circling for far too many years. He _can't_.

Green murmurs a thanks to Red, and reluctantly separates from him, shoving his hands into his pockets as Red rings the doorbell for him.

Leaf answers the door, smiling as she sees them both. A cloud of worry fogs her eyes when she looks at Green though, his complexion saying a lot about how much it's taking just to be here, and Leaf wonders if she underestimated the damage he's taken. But she puts it aside because she has to, leading them into the living room, which is touched - like most rooms - by evidence of research: a pile of papers behind the sofa, a desk in one corner. Daisy jumps up and hugs Green joyously, and over her shoulder, he matches a chip in the windowsill to a scar on his elbow, and tries not to wish Red's hand was still holding his. He has to deal with this alone.

Shortly after, Professor Oak and Red's mother enter with tea for all of them, small talk floating around the ones who want to converse while Red watches Green and Green watches the door, stubbornly silent.

It doesn't take long for what little conversation there had been to be smothered in the tense atmosphere; for Green, the silence that he knows he started wraps around his throat, making his pulse beat erratically and his breath come up short like he's being choked. He can't even look at the other occupants in the room, it feels to him like they're all staring at him, waiting, watching. He hates it so much, eventually (quickly) reaching a point where he has to get out for fear of eroded sanity.

Even if they weren't watching him before, they do when he rises from his seat, putting the mug down from his tight grip and walking out, mumbling some excuse he doesn't hear.

Once in the back garden - simply because it was the quickest route to fresh air - he grabs Pigeot's pokéball, close to throwing it. He stops though, reminds himself of the promise he made to himself, and shakily replaces it, before sliding down the wall and pulling his knees to his chest despite the tightness he feels there.

Green just needs some time, some time...

About half an hour later, footsteps join him, finding him scratching a baby doduo on one of its heads as the parents look on in relative ease. One look at those shoes and Green immediately knows who has joined him, focuses on sorting the feathers of the sleepy doduo.

"You're good with the pokémon too, Green." The voice jolts him a bit, and the bird that had fallen asleep, beaks crossed over Green's shoes, blearily blinks an eye open. The gym leader is quick to reassure it, what he hopes is a comforting _hush_ and it's like nothing happened.

"Not really." He remarks hesitantly, tagging a _not as good as you or Red_ on in his mind. A ponyta playfully approaches them, and after a reproachful poke from the professor for nibbling on his lab coat, the fire pokémon settles between them, appreciating the light strokes that Green gives it with a contented trill.

Professor Oak says nothing for a long while, seemingly happy to observe as he so often does, researching natural phenomena without intervention as his job requires. Green isn't at ease really, but his hackles aren't raised in the same way they usually are around his grandfather.

The air when he tries to speak still feels more like treacle though.

"I- I'm... sorry. Too." There's no rush as he finally utters what he came here to say, no fanfare or anything. Nothing is _right_ following his admittance, just maybe pointed slightly towards a better direction. Green knows that things like this don't work like avalanches, all or nothing. That isn't how it got to this stage, and it's certainly not how it'll retreat, but he didn't expect that.

"Thank you." Oak's voice is merely a whisper, drenched in an odd mixture of relief and guilt. Green ponders that maybe his grandfather has many unsaid things too, perhaps things like _You lost your parents, I lost my child_ or _You reminded me too much of my son_, but he doesn't think he'll ever hear them. It's closer than is acceptable for both of them, too painful against never-closed wounds. Green probably wasn't supposed to find out what happened when he did, but it's too late to change anything.

He looks up, and blinks. Too late to _change_ anything, but not too late to mend it.

The gym leader half-smiles, although his heart's still beating too fast, he still can't find the right amount of air and he still hates this place, eight years after he left it in a similar manner to how he arrived, another six years before _that_.

Because he can mend some things, like with Red.

He rests his head on his knees, knows that his eyes are wet because of the small speck of hope on that phase, and tries to breathe deeply. Things change around him. Professor Oak returns to the lab, another young doduo approaches and cajoles the sleeping one to play, so they leave too. Daisy briefly joins him to tell him that their grandfather seems happier, and Green can tell that she's grateful because she hugs him, and he feels hot tears run down her face. Once she leaves, a pidgey hops around him, pecking for crumbs.

After that, he's left alone for a long while. He dozes, not entirely restful but peaceful, surrounded by the calls of pokémon in the research centre and, further away, the wild birds. At some point, the ponyta leaves and a butterfree decides his inclined head makes a decent perch.

Green is awakened by a sudden warmth on one side, and the butterfree flutters away in slight indignation. Opening his eyes wearily, he uncurls a bit to see Red smiling warmly at him.

The gym leader instigates the kiss this time, some of his anxiety melting away in the comfort and love he feels from it.

He is, however, startled by the feeling that this is normal. Aside from the incident in the gym, he's never kissed Red outside his apartment before, although at this stage of consciousness he couldn't care less if they were to be found. It feels like such a natural thing to do, even if he had never even thought about it a few months prior. (But that's a lie, he'd fleetingly thought about such things for years, when he was ill or exhausted. He'd always banished those thoughts, and put it down to delirium)

Red's breath ghosts over his face, smelling of tea and a scent unique to Red, unexplainable.

"You seem better."

Green quirks an eyebrow, broken from his musings, trying to work out how he can sense that from a kiss.

"Huh? How?" He's never had Red's talent of stringing very few words together and making them sound good.

Red leans his forehead against Green's lightly, crimson orbs out of focus due to the proximity.

"More confident. At ease with yourself."

Green laughs quietly, turning his head back towards the garden but still leaning against the one who confuses him more than anything. Somehow, he doesn't mind that though.

"I didn't notice!" There's an underlying lightness of heart in him, having pushed some things off his chest and having someone to share his burdens with. He's not alone anymore, because he has people around him he feels he can trust and rely on, finally.

And that, more than anything, tells him he's on a recovering path.

* * *

><p>(I was thinking that they left when they were ten, (although I do suspect this is a Japanese ten, where they all act like they're eighteen anyway) spent four years travelling, Red spent half a year at the Plateau and three and a half on Mt Silver. I don't really know why I changed the timings, but hey. So they're eighteen for the large part of this.<p>

This went from a sentence I idly thought of to this behemoth of a thing. I suppose everyone's read/written one of these in the Pokémon fandom, but still I hope you enjoyed it, and maybe it was a little different?)


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